Never Again


(Photo credit: Alex Perez, Unsplash)

Never again will the waves of destruction rip me into their swirling tides of terror. Chaos. Fear. Confusion.

Alone.

Clinging to driftwood that falls apart in my hands, being pulled deeper into the dark, further from land. Nothing solid. Up / down blurred. Gasping for air.

Merciless torrents whacking me hard, blow upon blow upon bloody blow. Can’t hold on. What’s the point? I let go….

“When I awake, I am still with You.”

(Psalm 139:18)

A warm breeze caressing my face, I awake in the sand. My eyes are closed, but I know I’m not alone. Saltwater stings my wounds, but I can breathe. The ground beneath me is solid. It doesn’t budge under my full weight.

I am not too much.

I just am.

And I feel You. You feel safe. But I don’t know what safe is.

I open my eyes. And Love looks at me, no judgment. No fear. You are not afraid of me. You are not ashamed of me. I am not too much for You. You are solid.

I look back at You, and streams of knowing affection caress me. Unblinking, unashamed, unreserved affection. You always knew me. You see right through me, but Your light isn’t harsh, it’s healing. It is real.

I didn’t know I was holding my breath until now, but I let it go.

I am loved. You are Love.

Ever so gently, You show me Your hand, before it touches my hair, caressing. I don’t flinch. Kindness itself, so slowly, so carefully, brushes the sand from my face.

And then You kiss my nose and smile. Your nose wrinkles, You’re eyes twinkle, and You invite me to dare to smile to You.

Did I ever smile before? And then a cautious grin and golden bubbles of joy explode inside me.

You take my hand, and with no rush, You help me stand on wobbly legs, and as time becomes Your tool, You teach me to walk on Your chosen paths, sometimes just with You, sometimes with others.

Months and years and decades mature Your seed inside me, and we walk together every day. A daughter eager to learn her Father’s trade, I imitate Your moves, Your touches, and impatiently try to grow my little heart into the size of Yours. You laugh and correct me, as together we find soul after shipwrecked soul on the shore, and I love watching them open their eyes to You.

But I’m still scared of that treacherous sea that sucked me into its destructive deception. Sometimes I still hear the sirens that seduced me out there, and though they no longer sound sweet, though I can hear the poison and remember the forces that shredded me, I’m afraid.

Would I ever voluntarily wade into those waters again, perhaps on a quiet day when they reflect the sky so prettily? Would You ever allow me to be gripped by those elements again -or others I’ve yet to encounter and grow immune to?

I stare at the horizon. Trembling.

Then I feel Your warm breath against my skin as You whisper right into my ear,

“Never again, Child. Never again will you face anything or anyone without Me. No one can snatch you out of My hand. Never again. Now and forever, you are safe. Look at the horizon, where the earth and sky kiss.”

I see a rainbow.

“I set My rainbow in the cloud, and it shall be for the sign of the covenant between Me and the earth. It shall be, when I bring a cloud over the earth, that the rainbow shall be seen in the cloud; and I will remember My covenant which is between Me and you and every living creature of all flesh; the waters shall never again become a flood to destroy all flesh. The rainbow shall be in the cloud, and I will look on it to remember the everlasting covenant between God and every living creature of all flesh that is on the earth.” (Genesis 9:13-16)

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