Like the pressure of a slowly approaching tropical storm, this was a year of gradually increasing weight on my aging shoulders. Too much for one so clumsy in life, still learning to be an adult despite the spiderweb of lines on my face.
I have informed my Maker of this on countless occasions.
My own plan was reasonable: to be as faithful as I knew how with my existing responsibilities, which were more than enough, I argued. This last year before my son leaves for college could use a margin for sanity. My system worked.
But into this illusion the familiar quiet voice of conviction, who had guided me for decades, whispered again: “Time to move into the next season.” -Not now, Lord, surely You see that it’s too early; I don’t want to be too busy for my kids these last precious days with them. These new tasks will send me over the edge.
“Then I said to you, ‘Do not be terrified, or afraid of them. The Lord your God, who goes before you, He will fight for you, according to all He did for you in Egypt before your eyes, and in the wilderness where you saw how the Lord your God carried you, as a man carries his son, in all the way that you went until you came to this place. ” (Deuteronomy 1:29-31)
And like my reading glasses, without which all is blurred and confused, He refocused my worldview: He is God and I am not. He, Who loves my children more than I, deliberately provides the precise environment for their growth. The privilege of still expanding responsibilities have broadened their shoulders, as well as mine, and brought life and joys I well-meaningly would have “protected” them from.
“You will show me the path of life;
In Your presence is fullness of joy;
At Your right hand are pleasures forevermore.”
With the promise of summer in view, I remember that even the concept of seasons is from Him. After the thundering spring rain, the air is free and cool. Refreshing. I lift my face and fill my lungs, enjoying the light, new breeze while it’s here . When the season changes again with new pressures, I will probably protest, but underneath all my fretting this assurance expands my soul:
“The beloved of the Lord shall dwell in safety by Him,
Who shelters him all the day long;
And he shall dwell between His shoulders.”
“He has made everything beautiful in its time….” (Ecclesiastes 3:11a)