” I am furiously typing away because I woke up to a quiet house this morning and grabbed a cup of coffee and sat down to read the first chapter. Then I ran to the computer and here I am. And oh my sister! I don’t even know how to express to you what I am feeling or thinking. I felt like, something happened. Someone else gets it. I am not crazy. I felt this confirmation that it is okay to feel the way I do about Him and to believe He feels that way about me. I always think I take it one step too far in my passion for Him and I better tame it? People won’t like it. It doesn’t fit the mold of religion. But can I?
I catch myself daydreaming about Him. Dancing with Him in my mind. Thinking about Him like one would daydream about a lover they can’t wait to see. My heart flutters and I get butterflies. If I could sing and dance I would do that for Him but He withheld those gifts from me because He knew I would misuse them, so I close my eyes and pretend I can and pray that He will bless me with that ability in heaven so I will have one more means of expression for this aching for Him.
Sometimes I feel guilty because I should be pouring this passion into my husband. Do I cheat him when a love song I am listening to switches in my mind from thinking of my earthly groom to thinking of my heavenly groom? But God whispers…Your love for Me is what binds you to and blesses him.
Elisabet, I have had women tell me to tame my passion…it might offend. But it’s not tame. How do you tame a fire? And shouldn’t I fan the flame, not try to control it?
I am feeling permission just from chapter one that I am free to feel it and experience it. I don’t need to tame my feelings for Him. I have always felt that the only thing that separates me from a family full of addicts and I mean full of addicts….is that I am a full blown addict too…but I am addicted to Him and His words and His love. He is my wine. But I never knew how to understand it until chapter one and I never had a Brita tell me it was okay, so I hid it. I hide it.
Anyway, my friend, my sister, my fellow sojourner, I am just thinking and anticipating and already jumping way ahead and telling you that just after one chapter…I am blessed and can’t wait to continue this journey with you and Him as He comes to fill the gaps in my life. ”
Founder of Children Battling Cancer
Image: Renee Rich Edwards
Artistic Director of In Motion Dance Center
Soli Deo Gloria